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Something Clicked……

Another amazing week!  It started off a little rough though…

I typically workout on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.  Rarely do I workout more than 3 times per week unless I miss a day, then I will make it up by doing 4 days the next week.  This schedule works really well for my busy family and our wallet :)   This week however, I needed to take Dalton to soccer practice on Tuesday, so Dalton and I opted to do the 5:00 yoga class, then go to his practice.  Let me start by saying this…Dalton is a 15 year old boy who is built like a brick house and has a mohawk that varies in color.  It is pretty awesome and entertaining watching him do yoga.  Let me also say that I have nothing against yoga – it is damn hard and the people that are able to do it are strong and amazing.  I hate yoga!  It’s terrible to say it, I know, but seriously, I really do not enjoy doing yoga in any way.  Even though I was sweating like crazy and way sore the next day, I still felt like I didn’t work hard.  I did work hard, but I felt like I missed a day of working out.  Other than feeling guilty for “not working hard enough”, I have been stuck for the past month – at least in my 41 year old messed up head I have been stuck…on the scale….DAMN THE SCALE!!!!  I weigh myself everyday.  It really helps me understand my body and how it works.  90% of the time, this works great for me and doesn’t get me down when the number goes up by 1 or 2 pounds because I know in the next day or two, it will be back down.  This week I have been frustrated at the frozen number on the scale and I start blaming myself.  I have to be honest, in the past month or so, money has been really tight and eating “clean” has not been happening as often as I would like it to.  Pasta and processed foods have been sneaking their way back into my kitchen because that’s what’s in my pantry right now.  If I had planned a little better, I still could have eaten better, but lack of planning leads to eating whatever you can throw together.  Having 2 teenage boys in the house does not help either….

So on Thursday morning, I step on the scale….still 222…What the fuck!!!!!!!  I am already crabby and tired due to the hockey game Wednesday night when the damn Blackhawks beat my Boston Bruins in triple overtime, this just makes it worse.  Even worse is the class full of 2 year olds that I have to face for the next 8 hours and then the WOD that night that includes damn pullups which I STILL cannot do, even with a band!  Grrrrrrr!

I make it through the day without abusing any children and head home to change for Crossfit.  This is our WOD:

“Suns Out, Guns Out”

20min to do 10 Snatches @ 70-90% of 1RM. Utilize the time to use CORRECT AND PERFECT form.

Then

3 rounds for total working time of:

32 Alternating Split Jumps

16 KB Snatches (1.5p/1p)(8/arm any order)

12 Pullups

I have only done snatches twice prior.  My first time doing them, my one rep max was 70# and the 2nd time I don’t remember…

I started light (35#) to warmup and just kept adding weight.  I settled on 80# after failing at 90#.  I got through my 10 using good form, throwing in a couple of squat snatches at the end, just to try.  With about 8 minutes left I look up at the leader board and see Lynn leads the women’s snatch PR at a massive amount of weight (I forget what it is cause she PR’d again at 135#!!!!!  Holy shit!), then it was Gretchen at 105# (I think) and then I saw Maggie’s name up there!  Maggie – I didn’t know you were on the leader board girl!  Damn – nice!

Being a little competitive, I thought, “Well, shit, now I have to try 90#!”  I threw 10# on the bar to try it again.  First try….FAIL.  Heidi, our trainer is watching and tells me right away that I started too slow – I failed from the start.  Explode!   I set myself up again…explode…explode…the bar is at my eye level as I muscle it above my head to complete the 90# snatch.  What a feeling!

Crap, I still have 3 rounds of hell to complete.  Luckily, I am on a high from my PR that I am ready!  After figuring out the rhythm of the alternating split jumps, I felt like a rockstar!  Actually, I felt like Dalton, my brickhouse of a 15 year old.  I decide to RX the kettlebell weight at 1 pood and then the pullups….

Lately, I have given up on pullups and just been doing ring rows.  Tonight, I decide, nope, I will do the damn black band pullups if it kills me!  It’s only 3 rounds, I can do it…AND I DID!  It took me more than 14 minutes, but I did 36 pullups along with everything else in the WOD!  They were damn hard and I was exhausted, but it was done.

I was already feeling pretty awesome, but felt even better when I get this message from Paul:

“honestly it’s really cool seeing how hard you work, you are one tough SOB”

Validation.  It’s amazing how someone validating that you worked hard at something, can make such an impact.  Paul doesn’t know this, but this one comment made me stronger and lead me to today’s WOD – Nicole.  Pull ups again….and running…..

Oddly enough, I wasn’t dreading this one.  It’s a 20 minute AMRAP so I will just do what I can…

We start with a 400m run and jump on our pullup bars.  On Thursday, I had been watching my husband as he did his pullups with a blue band because he looked damn good doing them…he has a nice rhythm and looks strong when he does them…I made some mental notes….

First round…black band – 7 pullups straight through..hang for a couple of seconds…4 more pullups….drop….run again…ugh!….

Second round….black band – 8 pullups straight through and my chin is well above the bar!  3 more to get to 11.  WTF?  IT CLICKED!!!!  I FIGURED OUT HOW TO DO A FUCKING PULL UP!!!!!!!  I am so euphoric, I just want to get through the run so I can come do some more pullups!  I finish the 20 minute AMRAP with 11 pullups in all 4 rounds.  Still feeling euphoric, I take a black and a green band to the other side of the gym while Dalton does his teens class…I start with the green band and do 3 pull ups pretty effortlessly!  OMG  No turning back now!  I borrow a green band to take home so I can feed this new addiction called pull ups…my hands are screwed….

It’s shocking to me what a rollercoaster ride this is.  I feel like I am constantly battling the emotions and head games that strive to make me fail.  This is the first time I am documenting this battle, so I feel like I am repeating myself all of the time with the struggles that I face.  I feel like they are happening more often than ever before, but I have come to realize, that I have been battling this my entire life and just haven’t been aware of the emotions and head games.  By writing this down every week, it is making me accountable and aware of not only my body, but my head.  It’s truly amazing and enlightening.  I highly suggest to anyone struggling with fat loss and getting healthy to put your successes and failures out there for the world to see.  Hundreds of people know that I weigh 222 pounds and my body fat percentage is 43% (I think that’s what is was).  Hundreds know that I have struggled with my weight all of my life and have been desperate enough to re-route my digestive tract with gastric bypass surgery only to fail again.  The fact that hundreds of people know this about me has allowed me to begin to become the person I am supposed to be.  I am not there yet, but I know, without a doubt, I have hundreds of people supporting me and cheering me on because I put it all out there.

Recipe tomorrow….pork chili?????

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